5 Tips for Reconnecting with your Partner…in BED!
Note: This post was written in partnership with YMC Media and K-Y. We received compensation as part of this partnership. We participate in sponsored posts so we can continue to provide League of Moms as a free resource. All opinions expressed are our own.
While out for drinks recently with two friends (both married, both thinking about having kids) – we were one bottle of prosecco in when the topic of sex post-kids came up! Being the wise one (or just the one with kids) it was up to me to share my knowledge of course. I shared with them what I knew using my combined knowledge from my mommy friends and basically reading Facebook mom groups instead of actual books…
1 – Us parents, we are so tired! Either our kids wake up too early, they sleep in our beds or have multiple wake-ups throughout the night that all we want to do is sleep when we finally get to bed.
2 – Many of us moms are still kind of figuring out our postpartum bodies i.e. how to feel confident in them again, how they work (think pelvic floor issues) – sometimes sex is the last thing you want to do.
3 – Sex & intimacy – it’s hard to get in the mood after cleaning poop and doing laundry (excuse me for a minute while I go put the clothes in the dryer). It takes work and well we have enough work on our plates.
I felt bad about sounding doomy and gloomy for my not yet mamas & papas friends. So I do what I always do – I get some facts! I surveyed 200 moms* with kids 0 – 12 months old to see what they had to say.
56% are having less sex since having kids
43% are having about the same amount of sex
1% are having more sex
Okay, so at least 1% are having more sex?
43% can’t recall the last time they went on a date
30% are going every month
23% rarely go on dates
3% go every week
FAACCCK the results aren’t good! Okay moms, this is our call to action! We are absolutely in the ‘the trenches’ right now, our kids are playing on our last nerves, they are loud, they are messy, they are like always around and any time we do have without the kids, we kinda want to do our own thing (amiright?). However, I want to remind that before you were moms (and dads), you were a couple. Yeah like the kind that use to get it on in the secluded parking lot or in your dorm room while your roommate was sleeping (you know who you are). I call you to take control of your relationship and your sex life. Because when the kids are gone, it will just be the two of you again for a long time and you’ll need to fill that time (know what I mean?).
So how do we do this? This is where the League of Moms community comes in with their recommendations!
1. Flirt! Remember those sweet and/or steamy texts you use to send. Do that again. Surprise your partner with a little love text or better yet a ‘let’s get it on text’. Pinch a butt, leave condoms or K-Y on their pillow to hint of what’s to come suggested one mama in the League of Moms community.
2. Go on dates. (Several mamas mentioned this) Yes, I know babysitters are expensive, but marriage counselling and divorce are more expensive. Also, dates don’t have to be at night – day dates are especially awesome when kids are already in daycare. FYI: scheduling intimate time is okay too – sometimes you just need that extra push.
3. Get the tools. It’s okay to get a little help and/or inspiration! Steamy shows, porn, alcohol, cannabis (this was suggested by a few League of Moms mamas), sex toys and of course K-Y lubricant. Did you know that women may not be optimally lubricated for 2/3rds of the month**
4. Connect.Every.Day. Whether it’s a kiss, a hug, have dinner together after the kids go to bed or better yet is have a conversation that isn’t about the kids or family stuff.
5. Take care of you! This last one is a surprising one, but Allison Villa, Registered Psychotherapist focusing on helping couples thrive through parenthood, says though it may seem counterintuitive to spend time apart; before you can connect with each other, you need to recharge and connect with yourself. Also, there is nothing sexier than your partner taking care of the kids so you can take care of yourself.
Alright mamas, you have your mission should you choose to accept it and it starts today. Send that naughty text, book that date night, grab the lube and enjoy your night!
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*Survey conducted with 200 moms in June 2019 via Caddle cashback app. **based on characteristic and volume of cervical lubrication at baseline for a normal 28-day menstrual cycle”
League of Moms / 11/26/2019